Dave, I'm very sorry you're here. Everything she told you about your faults was nonsense to justify her affair. When you then respond to her complaints you validate them, so she feels even more entitled to have her affair.

You've been trying to "nice your way back" for the last seven months.

It's not working, it will never work.

You cannot placate her, you can not "prove your love" through acts of giving and support.

You also cannot push her away by withdrawing support.

She has chosen her course of action, and as of right now, *nothing* you do will impact it.

Your shortest path back together is to go the opposite direction.

You need to make things *worse* before they can get better

Are you willing to do that?

If not, you can expect many more years of the same thing you have now.


Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced
M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11
Start Reconcile: 8/15/11
Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced)
In a New Relationship: 3/2015