thanks for the replies..

First issue was the guy she worked with - Saturday 4th August 2018.. Texts sent that night and next day. Found out accidently due to text from a friend. Discussed and agreed to move past on the 6th August - 1s councilling session the week after.. All good for 8 weeks ( really good ) minus 1 row in the middle.

9th October. Guy 1 text my partner asking if she could set his mate up with a friend of his. These messages carried on over the course of the week. I noticed on the thursday or Friday that she was distant ( 11th ot 12 ) and different. Spotted a message from him on the home screen of her phone at 4am on 14th October. Checked later that day and it was gone. Discussed the next day and she admitted she had messed up. Agreed to stop the deletion, but at that point, it was innocent... He messaged her and asked what was up after she reduced the messaging and she said we had argued over the messages etc... She ended up spending the next 3 days online to him, "because she couldnt talk to me at the time" apparently.. She knocked it on the head with him on the 18th and i also sent him a text asking him to back off.. At the time my partner was a total mess. Our youngest was sleeping for an hour a night max !..

We did the second council session on the 26th, but it enraged her. The counciler was great but put a lot of emphasis on the damage these messages do to relationships. She walked out and started to message him about setting his mate up - her reasoning... "To make it normal" - even though at this point she didnt even describe him as friend.

he replied telling her he didnt want the hassle ( ie because of my message ) - She then flew off at me for messaging him..

In the weeks that followed she called him to appologise for my messages, and they started to message more and more. He used to message her if she was out asking where she was / did she have a good night erc.. But she always tried to hide them / denied it and we had some days of getting back to normality. But it was never good.. ie we chatted and chilled, but i felt zero intamacy for her.. She even said at some point that she would always love me, but wasnt sure if she loved me like that anymore..

The crunch came on the 6th December. She spent 2 hours online to him but denied it. I checked her phone ( in front of her ) and there were no other messages ( to him or anyone ) , so she had obviously deleted them. She did admit he deletion, but again " we are just mates" . But she changed her lock code and i gave her the choice - Family or messaging this guy daily... She said she wouldnt be controlled and said she was happy to end it..

SInce then they message almost daily i suspect. I know on xmas day, she started messaging the minute i left the house..

Shes a different person now frown

Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..

Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.