Originally Posted by helpme12
I cant prove anything physical happened, but i know she called him as soon as she left the house, i know she changed her knickers that evening and i know her car was parked up in a location where she would never normally leave a car.

Sounds to me like pretty solid proof she is actively engaging in an affair. So where you go from here is up to you. I would suggest assuming the worst and basing your actions on that. Even if you want to save the M you still need to treat her like a WW because that's what she is. Go dark. Also quit snooping, she's having an A, you know she is, so there's no point in snooping further.

Found this site last night and found the article on Biased observations very interesting..

Cadet or Job will probably delete that as outside links are against the rules. It's OK to discuss info you see on other sites, just don't post links.

I have been with my "ex" for 8 years.. And like i put in my original post, there were a couple of Red flags, going back to the very beginning of our relationship ( deleting messages off her ex boss ) . Then there were the deleted messages from the ex boyfriend 3 years in.. Did i ever feel threatened about the ex boyfriend messaging her.. No.. Because he worked away for months at a time and i think my ex knew he was being flirty, only after one thing and was never going to risk everything for him.. She deleted the messages, and played it down whenever he messaged... But i overlooked this as a risk to my relationship.. After all, he was just trying his luck... It was me she loved.
But lookiing back, maybe i misjudged my ex partners character.

Yeah, probably so. My brother was married for 7 or 8 years, his W was actively engaged in an affair (or affairs) nearly the entire marriage and he didn't know until she BD'd him. Until then he thought she was loyal. We often put blinders on to the red flags and explain them away as insignificant.

Me: 59 w/ S17, D23, D26
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56