Originally Posted by helpme12
Thats a really good point Accuray..

We have had big rows this morning ( she noticed a had taken a picture of me and her down and got annoyed ) - Hence it ended in a full blown row about her disapearing on Monday night etc. Basically i went against all the advise ive read.

That said, after Monday night ( she is still lying saying she was at her friends ) i no longer want her back anyway. I cant prove anything physical happened, but i know she called him as soon as she left the house, i know she changed her knickers that evening and i know her car was parked up in a location where she would never normally leave a car.
That was always my point of no return. Even after the months of lies and deceit, i would have always tried to reconsile, but Monday crossed the line..

That said, i have go to live with this "stranger" now for another 3 months.. So i think the "friendly coworker" is probably the best way to go... just for our sanity / the children... So many thanks


Some of the best advice I received here was to not make decisions when you are emotional. Obviously, all of this has you worked up, rightfully so, but deciding your marriage is over is a huge decision that you need to take time, calm down, and then figure out.

Also, lots of non-DBing going on. Checking on her knickers (I've been there), tracking her location (been there) and checking calls (been there) are all counter-productive. We as LBSs check on that stuff HOPING what we already know isn't true. And then we get our heart squashed by it and the WAS doesn't care. In fact, many of them are almost relieved that the hard part (the LBS finding out) is over and now they can move on with their new life.

Go reread the detachment thread. Read sandi's rule. Your name is helpme, but you have to take the learnings here and help yourself! Get strong. Be the best helpme you can be!


M(51), W(52),D(16)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018