neffer from my side, there are only pieces left...I guess it's very difficult for waywards to truly understand the degree to which their actions destroy us LBSs. I do know very well that I'm only accounting for myself and D4 now. And I do appreciate and understand what you say about the "other side". I completely get I'm on my journey alone and she is on the same with hers. I don't even have within me a desire for karma to get her or her to wake up or her to actually anything. The degree of trauma her actions have brought on in me, I don't even feel any way towards her right now good or bad.

thank you davide. yes, I for sure do. it is unbelievably hard to see the magical smile and growth of D4 and the potential for her young life...against the complete heap of failure that was the inability of her parents to give her the family she so surely deserves. and I hear you on the let go, move forward. i can tell you after going through D twice, the desire to move on LOL. exist is a more apt description. i have all the time in the rest of my life for whatever. i'm just right now in a place i can describe really. i miss the W i knew, i hate feeling like a complete failure especially when I don't know how it happened, but I have no desire to pursue her or even be emotional over it. when i look ahead...i see, but i'm just staring off like i'm in a daze.

time...so much time am I going to need to move forward to something. i love my life with my D4, work is fine, GAL ain't bad either...am i fated to be alone the rest of my life never to be able to trust again? i just don't want to try anymore relationship wise, my faith in love/marriage/finding a loving forever partner is shot to H**L...and maybe it was all my fault.

so tough how the simplest of discussions about this is mine and this is your's sent me off the cliff today...apologies in advance for parts of this being a pity party. clearly i'm on the low part of the roller coaster track today.

-B


Me:34 W:40
D1:4
M:7 T:8
BD:3/18
D Final: 6/19