Originally Posted by helpme12

So how do i handle this ? Watch it myself in the kids playroom ? - do i give her a copy for her to watch on her own in the main room ? or Say i couldnt get a copy yet to avoid looking like i am being nasty - then just watch myself when she is out on saturday night ? -


Just tell her "I have the new XYZ show and plan on watching it X night, you're welcome to join if you wish." In DR Michele talks about how it's OK to ask a WAS along for something if you do it in such a way that's it's clear that you are going to do it whether or not she joins. IE, if she joins then fine, but if she doesn't then you go ahead and watch it anyway.

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2nd - She told me her car has a "low Oil" warning. Again, no issue.. I would normally fix. There is a tub of oil in the garage.. Should i just do it.. Or again, play the tough love card and leave the oil by the garage door and tell her to sort?


Did she actually ask you to fix it or did she just say the warning is on? If she says something like this then respond "OK, let me know if you need help with that." Some would say just don't help her period, but personally I subscribe to the "keep the way home paved and smooth" philosophy when still living under the same roof. But don't just automatically do it, wait for her to ask for help.

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3rd - Her car ECU warning light also came up on her car a week ago. I have fobbed her off a few times about looking at it, but she is on my case to sort it ASAP.. In the past, i would sort. I have the ECU diagnostic software and reader etc.. And i dont want her stranded if it breaks down, as this impacts on the children / school runs etc. I am inclinded to say take it to a garage, but feel she will just stick the bill on the credit card ( shared account at the moment and she needs to go into a bank branch to remove, which she wont do ) - Or it will just get her back up re the negotiations on house price and shared parenting.. So i'm kind of damded if i do / dont..


I'd say you are accurate there on all counts. Again if she's asking for help then I would do it. But you have to have no expectations that it'll change anything. Again it's about keeping the way home smooth and reminding her what she will be missing. Now if you separate then it would be a different matter on things like this.


Me: 59 w/ S17, D23, D26
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56