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Should I tell her that I went to the pub with my best mate last night and it wasn’t a female?
No, no, no!!!! She can text other guys (and most likely more than that) and explain it away but you go out with a friend and you're trying to comfort her?She will grab your balls and squeeze tight if you put them in her hands like this.

You are pro at this!

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Does anybody here consider this whole 180 as emotional abuse / torture to my ex .. I had no issues with it initially but now she is noticing it, you can see its taking the toll - but is the consensus its ok to go distant, even if It hurts them ? or am I being soft ?

Not at all. She wants to talk and (most likely) sleep with other me right? That means you aren't sticking around. If there is emotional abuse, it's coming from her towards you. She is trying to get you to be in an open relationship and is playing your heartstrings to put you where she wants you. I love how strong you are to not give in. I was in such a bad spot when I started here. You are doing a great job, I can't say this enough. And I know it's hard on you, but you are able to think straight.

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I suspect judging my the amount of time she is on her phone once I leave the house / room, this distancing is pushing her closer to the other guy.. Is this the norm with most people – just leave them to it ?


You aren't pushing her to the other guy. You've told her before that it is inappropriate. You even told one of the guys to piss off. You can't keep from chasing down every guy in town. She knows you won't stick around for this, right? And it shouldn't even have to be said either.

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I remember reading on one of Sandis posts about her finding this forum and it being her wakeup – has anybody every actually mentioned the term “wayward fog” to their partner and let them do the rest ( ie don’t get into it, but give them a breadcrumb )
Nope. She'd probably either get mad at you or say you're overanalyzing this, you're rude, you're mean (typical wayward talk). If she was ready to work on her problems, she'd be doing it already.

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But every time i did check her status, she was online..
It will be better for you to just stop checking/monitoring her. You will feel better, b/c you're letting go of something that will only bring you negative feelings.

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To be honest, i no longer recognise her
I can't believe how good you are seeing things already. But don't be her man until she fully commits.

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I have the majority of the stuff i need to sort the house sale out now, so will start that ball rolling tonight, if she is in a rational frame of mind.. That said, i dont expect much progress frown
Maybe sit tight on that. If she gets serious and brings it up, it sounds like you are prepared. So don't push things further unless you are actually wanting to separate from her.

Great job man!


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.