helpme12,

First of all, sorry about your sitch. I have been trying to catch up.

So basically, by pulling back, detaching, GAL'ing you are withdrawing yourself from her presence, and thereby the power she feels she possess over you / your situation is diminishing, and you no longer stand out as being a a sure plan B to her.

I do believe you need to see her tears for what they most likely are - temp checking to see if you will crumble and adopt your behaviour to her choosing, and a understanding that you are not caving, you are standing strong for yourself because you have self-respect, you are nobody fkn plan b.

Regarding your questions:

Do not tell her, where you went last night, she chose this, she no longer gets to be involved in your personal life. It is none of her business.

Regarding 180s. The 180s are for you, they are for you to reflect on how you can evolve, and for you to understand what you can do to be a better person, a person you want to be. They might influence people around you, and mostly that influence will be positive. However, they might come off as negative as well (your WW will definitely take your changing behaviors as something you purely do to annoy her, and not to better yourself). Do not take offense, do not react to her outburst. Know that what you do, you do for you, and whoever deserves to be in a relationship with you down the line. And maybe that is your WW, but right now, she most likely resents whatever change you work on.

Regarding GAL and pushing her to the other guy. So basically, and this took me quite a while to grasp. You aren't pushing her. She is choosing to be drawn, and by doing so, she is choosing to distance herself from you. You see, this is about HER and the actions she makes. You can't make her choose differently. She is a human being, that right now, thinks the grass is greener on the other side, and she is experiencing and exploring. So you basically have two choices. Stay home, sit in a corner, and observe her make those choices regardless of what you come up with. See your life pass by, hours, minutes and seconds you will never get back......

or... Get out of the house, do things you want to do, reach out to people you miss, explore and grow. Maybe these actions will spark her interest, maybe she will wonder where you are, and what you are doing.. Maybe this will pull her from the fog. Maybe them having a lot of time together will make her see, what she really left behind, maybe not... In the end, you will have grown, you will have experienced, and you will have healed.

Do not feed her any breadcrumbs, she will see this as pursuing and you will push her away. You need to let her make her own choices, and maybe those choices will bring her back to you, and maybe not. You use the time you have now, to become AMOAFWL, and then you follow your dreams. Live for you, do not live in the shadows of a person that clearly wants nothing from you right now. You are worth so much, and time on this planet is so limited, so make the best of it, every fkin day you have.

You are awesome!

/H


BD: Wife says "its over" 11th august 2018.
EA: June 2018
PA: August 2018 - ongoing
Status: Taking turns 7 days a week to be in the house w. kids
WW: no regrets, seems happy with leaving.