Hi all,

Well its been an interesting weekend. I went out on Friday and have kept things “amicable and neighbourly” over the weekend.

She went to view a new house yesterday and says she wants to sort finances asap so she can put a deposit down.

Things went a bit south last night though as I told her I was off out once we had put the children to bed.

She kept asking “who with”

I pretty much followed Steve85s advise and said that we were “separated” – hence “separate” lives..

She got annoyed and she brought up needed the money for the house asap etc – Told her I would speak to mortgage adviser tomorrow to sort the finances, and I was waiting for the solicitors recommendations based on the minutes of our meeting and then we will discuss – That hit her like a sledge hammer, as until that point she had mentioned getting a solicitor, but I hadn’t told her I had seen one.. She just burst into tears.

She then turned it back on the going out and assumed it was with a girl ( it wasn’t, it was my best mate, who actually went through the whole wayward affair thing 4 months after getting married – his partner work up after the EA turned PA and the guy ditched her – too late for them though )

I didn’t correct her and just said it was separate lives.

As I was leaving she insisted on trying to talk to me ( she was very upset ) and was demanding to know why I have changed so much in a week .. ie her words “last week I wanted to save us, and now I am dead set on ending it”.

I just said I didn’t want to go into it, but she made the choice when she chose to message a guy over our relationship or family… She fired back with “they are just a few silly messages and we have separated because we haven’t been happy for ages”.

Told her I didn’t want to discuss it , but we had only had 2 big rows in 12 months and It was never that bad - and I left, with her in tears.

Within 2 minutes of me leaving, she was on WhatsApp – I suspect telling people how I was on a date with a girl etc

This morning I was normal and upbeat - she was a wreck… She had obviously been crying and I think she could burst into tears at any point…I suspect she would have done when I left.

So couple of questions for people..

Should I tell her that I went to the pub with my best mate last night and it wasn’t a female?

Does anybody here consider this whole 180 as emotional abuse / torture to my ex .. I had no issues with it initially but now she is noticing it, you can see its taking the toll - but is the consensus its ok to go distant, even if It hurts them ? or am I being soft ?

I suspect judging my the amount of time she is on her phone once I leave the house / room, this distancing is pushing her closer to the other guy.. Is this the norm with most people – just leave them to it ?

I remember reading on one of Sandis posts about her finding this forum and it being her wakeup – has anybody every actually mentioned the term “wayward fog” to their partner and let them do the rest ( ie don’t get into it, but give them a breadcrumb )


Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..

Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.