Acc…as always up front, thank you! I made it through Xmas Eve/Xmas totally alone. This whole year has been one constant kicking and yet I’ve endured. Don’t know what it is about New Year though…sitting here pouring salt in a still very open wound…again alone, amazing how silent a big house can be without the love of a family residing within it. Right now at least the crying of my D over what is transpiring is killing me. My W’s decision for her “happiness” is causing …whatever, not worth describing, I know she doesn’t give a s**t, but you know what I mean. Right now we have no co-parenting, no communication to speak of, but hey she’s happy so there’s that.

I am a whole man when with D, happy and confident almost as if this disaster of my w’s creation hasn’t occurred, but come exchanges…those kill me. Give me the toughest man who has to give up his children against his will and I’ll bring him to his knees. I don’t have the words to express how reprehensible, selfish and simply cruel I find my W’s decisions for her life. That's a vent I know it's her life, her choices, be d**ned with what I think of them. I have heard that time heals all wounds, I just really don’t know this time around. I think this 2nd divorce and the loss of time with my D is really going to do me in.

Ginger…thank you for your words of support. I know from friends and family that as kids get more into their early teens, ol’ mom and dad become less important than in the sweet early years and for sure I can see my D doing the same bragging to her friends about 2 Christmas. :-). It’s just h**l right now. And yes when I get to complaining about the unfair’edness of my sitch, I recall the parents/children at St Jude’s or military deployed…I am very thankful and blessed for what I do have. It’s just…I so completely never thought I would EVER be in such a position in life…and I’m fighting it…stupidly, but fighting it nonetheless. This is my 2nd divorce to be. First W married affair partner and is already divorced from him. Given my amazingly crappy track record, I imagine current W #2, soon to be ex #2 will do the same and marry some unknown affair partner. I mean why not, let’s pile whatever additional misery we can on ol’ B. I marvel at your ability to do things with your ex and her. I see no way presently for me to be able to do that. I feel I am D’s rock for sure, but dear lord am I but sooooo amazingly hollow inside.

Neffer…I love you for the encouragement you provide so many people here, but I struggle with the devastation brought on by my WW. And it is a fact she will have betrayed our vows, me, destroyed our family and yet I am to believe it will get better, she somehow gets a free pass from the Almighty for her selfishness and in her wake of destruction I’m left with PMA, keep moving forward, keep your chin up? Where is her judgement? What price/responsibility does she pay for ANY of this? Is she free to indulge her selfishness while the rest of us suffer terrible pain? I pray for you in your sitch Neffer…the absolute pain of loving someone so much and having them leave you perhaps for someone else…the contrast in how much you love/miss them vs how much you hate them for the pain they have inflicted…PMA just ain’t enough sometimes my friend.

Last edited by ballast; 12/31/18 10:00 PM.

Me:34 W:40
M:7 T:8
D Final: 6/19