D went back to W over the weekend. D and I had the best time during Christmas. I love her so much, but I HATE being a soon to be single Dad! Not the doing involved with it nor time with D, but the loss of D's family, the shared custody, the impact of all of this on D's life.
i don't care what happens with W. been there for a long time now. i do however continue to struggle about not blaming myself for her leaving. so much that i read online is always framed in the mold of "if the husband had been more aware/less ignorant of the signs/done this/that, wife wouldn't have left" it seems so much of what i read is that the husband must sacrifice extensively to whatever whims his W may have so that disrespect and resentment does not take seed in her mind/heart and she leaves. and those always end up saying "most guys have no idea what THAT is until it's too late". i just honestly don't think i want to play the game anymore. there are just too many negatives that outweigh the positive. just where i'm at these days.
i've never in my life been happy to see a year go, but 2018 leaving will be a blessing. 2019 will bring divorce, a new living arrangement, neither of my choosing, but i don't fear either. my prayers to all of you and a sincere thank you for the support you've given to me.