TF...thank you for the information. it took me a bit of forcing myself to do it, but my D and I managed to create our own unique version of a Xmas tree that we are happy with.
journaling...there is so much good information available online for any of us on here. really no matter WAW/WW/MLC/alien the action plan is always the same...save yourself and your family. i think it takes us all time to get to a place where we can finally accept what is being provided to us AND be willing to believe it and action on it, but there is continued strength within us once we reach that point. not sure why i'm posting this really beyond i've just come to realize "there was nothing I did to cause this and nothing i can do to fix this". doesn't mean I can't nor do not have much i can work on within myself to become a better man/partner in a relationship, but getting to that reality has been very important for me. it gives me hope...of what i'm not sure...maybe just hope that I'll be ok and that's enough.