Originally Posted by ballast
i know i sound like a broken record to most of you on this board and i apologize up front for that.

It's no problem, I think that's part of the recovery process. We keep asking "Why, why, why????" until one day we quit asking and just let it go. Even now I sometimes find myself wondering what happened but now it's more out of a sense of curiosity than any desperate need to know so I can fix things. Anyway, keep asking as many times as you need to. These forums are here for us to vent our frustrations that we can't vent anywhere else.

much more like she died than left.

I remember way back years ago on my thread saying that I thought it would have been easier to process my ex dying, right? I mean it's very painful to lose a loved one, but you go through the grieving process and then let them go. But this, it's like your W died, but she's still there. But you can't tell how much of her is left. And you don't know whether to let her go or not. Is she sick and she will get better? Or is she gone for good? That's part of the frustration. Anyway I am not at all wishing death on my ex, just commenting on how the finality of death is easier to deal with than this strange WAS limbo.

my little D is so sweet and loving on her father, it pains me a great deal in contrast to how her M sees me.

I'm convinced that changes in nearly every case, except maybe where a WAS is mentally ill. They do eventually come out of the fog and they do remember their M and their spouse in a better light. That doesn't necessarily mean recon, but you're not going to be "the bad guy" in her eyes forever.

Me: 59 w/ S17, D23, D26
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56