Originally Posted by ballast
tough to deal with in absence of a showstopper reason.


It is tough to deal with. In my case there was no obvious reason either. Early on (before I discovered DBing) I asked many times for an explanation. What did I do wrong, what went wrong in the M, was it just something she was going through, was it a medical condition, was it a mental breakdown, was it because of long-term anti-depressant usage etc. etc. I think it's the "fix-it" side of us that seeks an answer to that so we can formulate a solution. "Tell me what the problem is and I'll solve it" sort of thing. Unfortunately it's not that simple. Usually the WAS doesn't even know themselves why they want out. It's just some internal emotional reaction to what they perceive as an intolerable situation, but often they don't even know why it suddenly feels intolerable. It just is. So we end up here, dazed and confused and looking for answers. We don't have the answers to "why" on these forums, all we have are tips and techniques for learning to live with your "new normal" and getting used to it, and accepting that you'll never have the answers you so desperately want.


Me: 59 w/ S17, D23, D26
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56