Originally Posted by ballast
W...no i didn't get that sense at all that you were making excuses for yourself. in fact, given what you've said for sure there's a real aspect of that in your sitch.

agreed, i don't think either one of us see our faults severe or horrible enough to justfiy walking away and getting a D, BUT those are OUR feelings and our W's may disagree. i don't think i realized the degree to which my W needed/wanted more emotional interaction with me, but then again she never as an adult said to me "B we need to spend more time together or I need..." I think perhaps she just thought I should known automatically OR heck she may not even have been able to clearly state what she needed/wanted. i have not heard a SINGLE woman ever believe that a man can change. it is terribly difficult for me to try and understand that as a man. there is such an overt finality of thought i get from ladies in these sitches, completely devoid of hope for change. is that because they have an OM or is that because it is simply too emotionally painful for them to reconsider R'ing or once they are done, they are simply done. AS will highlight how ladies can change THEIR minds, I just don't think they think we LBH's can change ourselves. which is terribly unfortunate especially given how much each us have grown and learned to become better husbands just as MWD has said as much in some of her writings.

communication as always comes down to be a common factor here in sitches. men and women we do speak different languages, bottom line we are different. again terribly sad that we men can't pick up on the many times non-verbal or code that our wives "speak" towards us and sad that our ladies many times to not realize how foundationally we love them, yet how terribly poor we are at expressing our feelings in ways that they can understand. it takes both partners being dedicated and committed to working together through this foundational needs in a relationship. it again is so sad where many times at the first signs of frustration/difficulty, one or both of us retract, go silent and allowed for the poison of resentment to take hold.


Agree whole heartedly about everything you said. One thing my W said to me the morning after BD has stuck with. Probably a subtle hint of what's to come. She said she read that women who decide they are done, they are done. Or something to that effect. Pretty much the case in my sitch! There hasn't been any signs as though she's ever considered R. Oh well.

M: 34 W:34
D:7 D:6 S:3

M: 9.5 years T: 12

OM found & BD (by me): 9/19/18
IHS begins
W informs me she's moving out: 11/28/18
W files: 12/21/18
D Final: 2/25/19