If my posts came across as my W’s mental state excusing me of any wrong doing, I apologize, because that wasn’t what I intended at all.
I know my faults. I own them and I’m working hard to fix them moving forward. Granted, most of them are things that require interaction, so I haven’t been able to put them to use, but I’m mindful of the changes I need to make. And, as I said ages times previously, most of them are pretty standard complaints that females have about males in a relationship. Nothing that’s so horrible that a “normal” person would consider getting a D over I don’t think. I do know there are changes I can make to make our MR better. I want to make them and will. She has said she doesn’t trust that I can, though.
Some of the complaints my W has of me were basically counter reactive to some of the issues/struggles my W has, which my IC told me are a direct result of past trauma. For example, my wife feeling the need to please men. That comes from the horrors of being sexually abused by two different people in her life whom you should have been able to trust but took advantage of her and put her in submissive positions. Now, in our M, she took that “responsibility” she felt she had to please men and applied it to always going along and doing as I pleased or wanted. The problem there is, I didn’t know she felt that “need” and that she felt as though she couldn’t voice an opinion! That was never communicated to me until recently. I can’t read minds....if she doesn’t give me an opinion and share what she thinks then I assume she’s in agreement with me. That one is the toughest for me to wrap my head around as to why she resents me for it. It wasn’t like I was aware she felt that way and used that knowledge to control or manipulate her into doing whatever I wanted. I wish I would have know. Then I would have at least followed up with her on to get reassurances that she was onboard with whatever it was.
M: 34 W:34 D:7 D:6 S:3
M: 9.5 years T: 12
OM found & BD (by me): 9/19/18 IHS begins W informs me she's moving out: 11/28/18 W files: 12/21/18 D Final: 2/25/19