W so I have no idea anything much about W's life before I met her. perhaps that was something each of us should have shared with the other back when we first got serious, kind of a "biography of my partner's life" deal. so for me who knows what if anything transpired in my w's life to contribute to where we are now. what I can say is that throughout my sitch, I have simply not accepted/nor permitted my W's possibly having mental health issues for getting us where we are. maybe she has them, maybe not, the IC emphatically say yes, but I guard against using them as a crutch to free me from being the perfect husband.
absent explanations from our respective W's for WHY, yes we can each drive ourselves crazy speculating especially as then we think perhaps we can fix the WHY. trust me I've spent lots of spare time trying to understand just like every other LBS that ends up here. if you look at Neffer's last post on Hurt's thread, the succinctness, clarity of what he wrote, through away all the psycho babble, that's the simple cold hard truth and way forward for each of us. it is amazingly simple what we must do but entirely ridiculously brutally painful at the same time. the only thing that could possibly be comparable is having our spouse die suddenly. we are all simply trying our best to survive the aftermath of their instant removal from our lives.
I love my wife, simple as that. she is gone now, simple as that. I must move on now, simple as that. I free her with all of the love and forgiveness in my heart that I have and pray God show me mercy and grace to get me through this terrible ordeal. simple as that, that is all I have. many things that happen in this world I suppose we aren't ever meant to understand why and truth can be brutally painful to accept, but accept it we must...again simple as that.