journaling a bit...

so i'm at the point where i know D and i will be fine. that's a simple thing to say, but it represents a HUGE amount of healing from where i started. i LOVE the time that D is with me and still feel that it's completely unfair to her and i that we will lose so much time with each other due to W's action, but there is a part of me that guiltfully enjoys my free time. it's a conflicted feeling to be sure.

been reading the NMMNG book. it's not 100% applicable to me i don't think, but for sure i'm finding alot of good information in there that i can apply towards myself. the WTF happened still occupies my mind, but thankfully has been in a controlled manner. so much of W's words/actions/etc line up with WW, but then pieces don't. the prevailing thing i've been finding is that even if the WW is with OM, the tend to want to keep the MR and their spouse. W has been adamant about getting a D from the start. the thought of if she is not EA/PA/OM, then to throw out our MR with zero effort...the dysfunction of it, the whatever it is...strangely it pushes me further towards my new future. however my mind thinks it through, no reason can justify her decision. course it matters not what i think, only person who needs to get it is her.

anyway...monday morning and finding myself very matter of fact/chill. prayers for all of you suffering.

-B

Last edited by ballast; 12/03/18 01:28 PM.

Me:34 W:40
D1:4
M:7 T:8
BD:3/18
D Final: 6/19