Steve... I, too, was in an SSM. Part of it was the fact that he was gone all the time but even more so was that my H withdrew from me emotionally and I knew it. Without that emotional connection, at least for me, there is little desire to ML. My Hís love language, I think, is physical touch. I havenít read the book so I canít be sure what mine is but I suspect that physical touch for me is secondary to needing to know that I am important and wanted by my partner. I rarely felt that with my H. I was pretty much starving for a level of intimacy that my H, for whatever reason, was incapable of giving to me.

Ballast - I would be shocked if my H ever wanted to come back but even more shocked that he would be willing to do the work on himself and take the inevitable hits that would come when he would have to face family members and friends. There are not very many people who know the story but the people who do (my twin and her H, his mother) are pretty major players in our collective life together. You are right... it is so, so sad - especially for the kids. Last night my daughter had a bit of a meltdown. I have a longstanding tradition of making my kids banana pancakes on Sunday mornings and she realized last night that she would be at her dadís on Sunday morning so would not get pancakes and if she did, she hates her dadís pancakes. Not a ďbig dealĒ in the grand scheme of things but I think, for her, it is maybe that she is starting to realize that her life is changing in a way that she a) does not want and b) is powerless to stop. Broke my heart. frown

Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018