Well, I finally have a little time to provide an update.

The Wife and I are doing good. We still have our moments, we had one last night, I've been having a lot of triggers lately. So I sat down and discuss them with my wife, she got defensive and said she has told me these things over and over. She also told me, she doesn't think I'm ready to move forward with this M. I told her, the choices we made in our M had consequences I informed to her that she might not be ready as well. Because she was going to have to deal with me in the capacity of having questions until I'm properly healed (this was a selfish comment on my part). We left it at that last night.

We woke up this morning and talked it out. We love each other very much. But we both realize that there will be moments of insecurity because we are human. I think my wife realize that more than I do.

Our everyday lives are normal. I go to work and she stays home and takes care of our boys. What has changed is when I get home I help out with the boys more and she works to show me that I'm a priority to her.

Something, I want to do or try to do, is give my W point of view as I understand it. I think this can help future LBSs.

My wife is working hard to prove to me that she is all in on our M. She tells me all the time she is not walking away from me or leaving me. She felt as though I didn't care or love her. She calls the A, a shallow fling. I disagree, but who cares. She sees, her A, as more of she hated me and didn't want to be around me anymore, she couldn't stand to be around me and I disgusted her. All her respect for me was gone, and she saw me as less than a man, and she saw me as a man that couldn't protect her, not from a fighting standpoint, but from a have her back standpoint. Which means, when she's having a hard time with the kids, I step in and help out. She has groceries in the car, I help get them. She wanted me to be the man and not a selfish child. And that how she saw me most of our M, before BD.

This past week and weekend was rough. She came and held me and told me that people argue and disagree, and I shouldn't get so upset about certain things. She is right, I still have my wall up and I'm ready to be hurt. I still have anger, resentment, and doubt. She has moved pass all of it, and It leaves me wondering, what am I doing wrong. She forgives/forgets fast.

Let me also say, my wife and I, both came to an agreement that we didn't get married for all the right reasons. We jumped into the Marriage because she became pregnant, and she thought she would grow to love me, but we didn't fully know each other before we tied the knot. At BD she told me she was never in love with me. Now she is saying, she loves me, but she is not in love with me, but she feels herself growing closer to those feelings. She tells me she wants to be around me all the time now, and she is starting to enjoy our life.

Are we in the clear no. Are we working to making our M stronger yes? Are there guarantees in life no. The one thing I can say is life is filled with uncertainties. We can't predict the future, we put so many "just in cases" in our lives that we don't know what to do or how to feel when there's isn't one available. Those, "just in cases" are insurances, home, car, health, flood, renters, and all kind of other insurances. Warranties, for all kind of things. Retirements. But there is no certainties for life and the complex beings we are. We are given a finite time on this Earth and then we die. That's the only guarantee. Marriage, life, nor a spouse is guaranteed. So work to be happy, no matter who you are with or where you are in life.

I have driven myself mad trying to always have an answer, but sometimes the answer is there aren't any answers. I hear people say live life with no regrets, that's stupid, without regrets, there wouldn't be growth. I say live life pass regrets. Don't give up on yourself to allow others a chance at being a part of your life and you will be alright.

My Marriage was DBed, but the work hasn't gotten any easier, I have even been miserable on days. The whole time while I was DBing, I thought to myself I will be the happiest person in the world if I get my W back. Well, that hasn't always been the case. That was a feeling for those moments. I still have a lot of healing to do and self-reflection work.


LBSs, keep y'all heads up. Keep your chest held high and love yourself hard.

M:34 W:34
T:9 M:8
S14, S10, S7, S2
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.


M:36 W:36
T:11 M:10
S16, S12, S9, S4
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.