What's missing is him thinking of this as a marriage. The last time I tried a R talk, he said we married young, hadn't been a couple in a long time, and were "friends." That's not a marriage. I'm angry, that nearly 2 years out of the A, this is where he is.
Have you read The 5 Love Languages? It might be helpful. I sense that you and your H both feel like your needs aren't being met, and perhaps you're both waiting for the other to do something about it. I don't think your H is a full-blown WAS, maybe he is but it doesn't sound like it. It just sounds like an unhappy M. Read the 5LL and try some of the techniques on him and see if it starts making a difference.
That's very astute of you, actually. When we were in counseling decades ago, it was pointed out to us that each of us thought he/she did the bulk of the work. One of his love languages is food, but he's literally never home for me to cook. But, I will have to get a copy of that book and read it. Thanks for the suggestion.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -- Eleanor Roosevelt, This is My Story