I still had a 90 day refill available on the anti-depressants so I filled that today, hoping that it will help calm down the extreme lows I find myself in whenever my mind wanders to my W. I got the report today confirming the A, so if I wanted to file, I can do that. But, I just have a mental block against it. I just want to make sure I get joint custody of my son, and our state is heavily pro-mom, so if I do file, and she decides to fight instead of agreeing, I could end up only seeing my son every other weekend and a couple hours during the week when it's not my weekend, and that would absolutely kill me.

At the same time, she's moved on and it feels unfair that I should have to sit by and wait until nearly next summer to be able to even THINK about moving on. My faith and my personal convictions won't let me be with anyone else while I'm still married, even if SHE is. Why should I have to live through another anniversary, now that I know our last one was already a lie?


Me: Late 30s WW: Late 30s
M: 12
S: 7
BD: Late April '18 (Wife left next day)
OM confirmed: July '18 (20+ years older)

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. - Psalms 34:18