My wife is a beautiful woman. In fact in the last year and a half I helped her get started working out and she has gotten in great shape. I got a subscription for one of those beauty box things for Xmas 2016 and she started to get more in to makeup and her hair (I know some of this SHOULD have been a red flag at some point). She looks absolutely amazing. The problem with all of that, is that through our entire R, while I was always physically attracted to her, my attraction, and feelings of love for her were never about her looks. My attraction, connection and love for her was always about WHO she was. She has worked very hard to look great on the exterior, but she has lost what made her so amazing. I can look at her now and I see a beautiful woman, but I don't feel an attraction to her. I don't see the woman I love anymore.

While I believe I HAVE let her go, I'm starting to realize that I've let go of who she is NOW, but I'm struggling to let go of who she was. I'm in love with and struggling to let go of a ghost. I think this is one of the biggest reasons I am having trouble deciding whether I even want her to have a change of heart and come back. I've seen some posts here that indicate that once the WAW/WW change, they aren't ever the same person again. If that is true, I'm not sure I would even want to R.


Me: Late 30s WW: Late 30s
M: 12
S: 7
BD: Late April '18 (Wife left next day)
OM confirmed: July '18 (20+ years older)

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. - Psalms 34:18