Hi Sandi and others, i have been reading for a wail.
There was nothing new under the sun...around me. My WW, try be nice, ask me to go out of the house have a walk or do exercise on the grass, so i agreed but not show any emotional highs...because i know why she do this ...she is not sure where i am, regarding her, and she temp check constantly, manipulate and try to put me in argument, i avoid any attempts to be succeed in to argument, or show i am commuted to her in long term. Of course i am not rood, resist any of my temptation to tell her, this or that (talk about what is wrong). I just ignore her when she try to be nasty or play pity/blame game and leave whit smile when she try to changing me in some why.
Last week she contact OM2 2 time chat for a wail, the stop contact him. She try to slow things down with me, but may be there some tension between WW and OM2. Last week there is not any shows of not respect in front of me.
But.... This week we walk to the place where is out other flat, several times, just walk, she constantly talk about how beautiful and nice i "OUR" flat, that we pickup the best flat and so on, talk about how we can buy another flat, and other schemes how we can do more investments, how this will be very good for the kids and so on. I listen to her, but not agreed to do nothing, just validate her as much as possible, whiteout agree to nothing. I thought ...Should i talk with her, what she have to do in order to proceed whit her wishes about new investments...the i felt that i already told her how i will not live, so she should do the thinking and asking by her self not initiate by me.
Already WW several times, to many people, she talk that she thinks to start the investment without my knowing (if i refuse to do it, when she ask for last time - she wait to see what will be the price - if it is as low as she wont, she will book the new flat, and when the time comes she will put me in stuck situation- something like to get pregnant) - So my question how to address this, i our last argument she was telling me that she saved money to book the flat to surprise me, so o know this from her - but she talk this to almost every one around her, that is disrespect and rebellion.
So if she start talking about this - should i remind her, about i am going to leave after 2-3 months, and is we not going in same direction we should not do any investment together?
This is no threat...... when you are dropping her. She told you this to manipulate you and keep you upset. It stops working to push your buttons when you don't get upset.
Yes, i us to handle my self very well, last times. In the past i thought i must react in some way, now if i am truly "drop the rope", i have to be calm about this, not funny or happy, but calm and collected. Of course it is difficult to listen how she have to found other men to care about her (because i will left her), my heart broke, because more then 5 years she did not behave with me as woman even as wife, but are willing (have to do), because i will not provide to her. I see some very nasty/punishing behavior in this. How ever, if she is able to be woman to other man, well lets be (she clime that i kill her as woman, so she will never fill love and trust to any one, as well as be sexual with any one), i believed this for 3 years after my confession about my infidelity, but after her crush to OM 1 and now to OM2, i do not believe. That is her filings thoughts about me, so if she think that i will provide to her, and take her emotional need from elsewhere - i will not do it.
It's okay. You will get better when you realize you deserve more respect.
Of course, i hope this to be soon. I just hope to be calm and collected, not to be aggressive (NGS)
Quote: This last time when she aswering to him and chat a litlle, i was redy to go out, but was late, i tought it will be beeter to go sleep to fresh in the morning. What is done -is done, if there next time i will go out. This evening right after i went to bed, she came 5 min later.
If it is late, you don't have to leave, if you are not full of anger.
I am really capable to handle my self very well, my big struggles are when i am not sure (what to do), if i must show dissatisfaction or be calm and collected, that is my struggles, because of this i ask so many questions to you, to be ready how to behave when the time comes.
You will conquer these issues. How do I know? B/c you are doing what you must do, in spite of being afraid. The cowardly man feels fear and lets it paralyze him. The brave man feels fear and does what he must do. In my opinion, you are overcoming lies that has captured your mind for a long time. You listened to lies whisper in your ear about Betheoa. Don't let the lies defeat you any longer. Believe in the man you truly are.
Thanks Sani for the sportive words...i do not buy the lies, the lies are barometer for me if she come to M or not. In my opinion if she start to do any work on her, this will be the firs one..
So i really need support here, what to do when she behave as nothing is changed..talk about future plans about new investment...how/when i worn her about not to do the stupidity to book this new investment when i do not agreed on, because in this case she/we will loos money (if i do not support the investment- booking price will be lost-it is around 2 moths of he salary)
So any thoughts an suggestion are welcome. I feel very down this week, limbo is difficult place to live, i am trying to survive this by taking day by day. In my interaction i am easy going, not doing any pursuing, she is the one pursuit me (yesterday she ask to massage her back - i did for awhile), but as by guard is up all the time, i see every thing as manipulation and temp check.
so ...will write soon.
P.S. last week, i have red a lot, here in the forum, so i have question ....my WW have not real EA (where they, say i love you, or consider planes to live together in future and things like this), but my WW have all signs to be/where in limerance with OM1 and OM2, as well as flirting with OM2 (by chat), with OM1 i do not have Intel if there was flirting as with OM2. So my question is ..is this change something in my approach to the situation..or i must behave like she is full blown WW. hugs
Me39 W 41 T18 M12
I was WH 2011 WAW from 2012 WW from 2016 OM1 2016 (just friends) limerance OM2 2017 (just friends) limerance