Originally Posted By: HSK
I dont know why it is just so hard. I feel like if I walk away that it is my weakness and shortcoming that caused this dynamic. I can only stay if he lets me stay. It feels like no matter what I do I am broken and wrong. I know my thinking Id flawed. I am not sure how.

Granted all I know about your sitch is what I'm reading here, but just based on this broad brushstroke it sounds like you are the victim of abuse. It is common for those subjected to abuse to feel like they are the one doing something wrong, that THEY are the guilty party, that they DESERVE the treatment they've gotten. Usually they feel that way because the abuser is a master of controlling and manipulating and has used that to lay all guilt on the abused party. That's why I was asking if you are seeing a counselor, they can help you dissect this better than we can here.

Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57