My W and I are working hard on our M. We have been to counseling and have more to go too. We are learning to communicate our problems better. We have look to going to Rville or EMS weekend in Austin.

She is putting in the work to help repair the damage.

I must admit, this is hard. I have broke down crying a few times in the last two weeks, because I wanted to just throw my hands up and give up. I wanted a divorce in my head and not my heart. It hurt so much thinking about leaving my boys. I shed those tears in front my W. She wants and feel this M is going to work. She has faith in us but the pain some days are huge.

She also broke down crying to me one day after a talk we were having and told me that she wakes up every moring with guilt and shame, she was shaking and hyper ventilating. And she told me she wanted to walk in front a bus. I coukd see the struggle she was going thru.

This process can't be rushed and there's no short cuts. We have decided to walk thru it together. I'm joyful on one hand and scared on the other.

The thougths of the A have lessen. And we are smiling and making each other laugh more.

I thought about posting in the recon thread but it's not very active and I think my post will help more people here. I go there looking for advice, but I talk to holding and he convince me I should post more to help others and possibly get some more help.

I also do counseling by myself. My counselor told me something the other day that stuck with me. I told him I'm have a hard time with the A and wanting to stay. I told him one of the things I'm having a hard time with is how my W told me she thought she was in love with OM and how she cut it off. He asked me a few questions and one of those questions was, how did you treat your W before the A, and I once again had to remind myself I treated her like crap. I told him I wont take responsibility for the A. He told me, what if the only way for my W to live with the guilt she had was to tell herself she was in love with the OM. Is that a possibility. I told him yes that is. My W told me multiple times that she thought she was in love with the OM because I how she felt about me.(Im putting this here because, the fantasy is full of false emotions). So we have to get out the way as LBS and let them go, so those false emotion is hit with reality. My W also told me she knew that a relationship with the OM wasnt going to last.

For V day my W bought me a new silicon wedding band. I told I wasnt wearing another one until she bought it.

I hope this help!!!!! I want to put this here so when others start recon and repair they have a place to have an idea of what to expect.

Only hard work ahead.

I wish this thread got more traffic!!!!

Onward and forward

M:37 W:37
T:11 M:10
S17, S13, S10, S4
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.