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thanks for getting back to me & as always offering a concise look at the overall situation.
detachment I woke today feeling better & you are right. There is no way that my detachment can be complete. At first, I likened it to if someone insulted me badly (!) ... cussed me on a street corner - that would upset me. In this case tho, it distracted me (!!), and although I felt 'ok' I guess- consciously (consciously numb? unable to process what was happening immediately), it was the reaction of my body that did the 'talking'!
In both experiences ( 1st - just under 6 months ago), when we communicated, the physiological reaction was one of 'anxiousness' /anxiety' ... until I could gage & gain some composure. And yet I felt 'calm enough' in my (conscious) head, although my body was doing its own thing. Strange - the anxiety
I didn't think about it re detachment & him, since I do not want him& I am soooo turned off! His bullying temperament is still there with the one-way street (my way) attitude Now that I have had time, can reflect, rebuild, I see that there was a threshold I dare not cross. That's NO relationship (And that too, is why even C does not "relax" with him). However, there clearly is 'residue' re the detachment component ... & this has me thinking again. ( Peace of mind is sooo 'sexy' & very additive )
3rd party & management re future contact I will not involve a third party. I see what you are saying and am so glad I checked here in my moment of confusion.
I will also have to be more vigilant. I had stopped complete contact with him as I needed to focus on my new path. This probably upset him. The recent contact & the *one before, about *6 months both started well enough. So my guard was down because of time spent away from each other. Then out of nowhere, the 'jab' emerged. Again, he may be upset because i corresponded on my terms as I needed to (just as he did when he wanted to) ... he even got upset & insinuated at that *time that I'll "be in touch when i want the money"
Well, I figured if he doesn't know his responsibility, I can't remind him until things settle. He's an adult - this is something he should know!
Alone with Self-doubt I never bothered him (I think he expected me to). I told myself that I would manage & others reassured me that I would be fine. I had absolutely NO confidence re this assumption, but moved forward anyway. I sacrificed much re myself but child, C, was taken care of. And was lucky to have a few really good supportive ppl later on.
Sooooooo that may also have peeved him in that he expected me to plead ... beg (due to desperation), but I didn't need to hear him anymore. And I really couldn't handle any crap & also as the holidays approached - I just wanted it to be special although it would be modest (& It WAS wonderful !!!)
I am trying to fill my world with GOOD karma ... (so he may have had it 'stored up' for me ). Many can give what they can't take.
Documentation rules! I will do as you suggested. Document. Its a great idea to document & more so re a lawyer if necessary in future, as you mentioned. Thank YOU job! I have even copied the msgs already (!!) & will continue if he choses 'to start civil & convert to cruel'.
Take care & thanks as always pbetra
pbetra ---- M: 15 yrs (in 2014) BD: 6/03/2014 Infidelity ('known' from July 2014) Denied PA Feb 2015 2 leave Mar 2015 (left early Summer). Some contact. Back briefly 2017 (after family death) Separated 2017