Hello friends,

I hit 100, so I thought it was time for a new thread. So, I am going to skip another introduction in this thread, but you can read it on my last one. Thank you for commenting leah, roist, sotto, 25, and coconut. I will def get back to you guys individually later. I only have a few minutes today.

So, the OM (is that what I call him?) continues to pay me a lot of attention. It's confusing because even as I write that, I recognize that I sound as if it is happening to me. I don't want to be a victim, I want to be in control. But, do I like the attention? Yes. Do I flirt back? Yes. Does H have any idea? No. ... The biggest question: is this wrong? Maybe. Or maybe I am in denial? Maybe this is very wrong and this is how it begins .... I can't tell actually.

I was somewhat overwhelmed with guilt initially, but I am somehow losing that. Real talk: I like how it makes me feel. I feel excited, attractive, and alive. I have these boundaries that I have created in my mind that I won't cross, but at times they feel blurry. This is a totally new and unexpected place to be.

The good news about this is that I am starting to see my H in a more positive light. If I compare him to OM, he wins hands down. I don't want this OM. I am also starting to see how an A can start--I am starting to get it. I just don't plan on having one. ... Am I playing with fire tho? .... I am afraid, yes.

You guys can 2*4 all you want, but I don't know that it will change much here. I think this reads worse than it is. Strange as it may sound, I think this could be a good thing for my M in the long run.


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“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela