Attaining MEH

[25yearsmlc]

T3,

1) bravo!

2) the stories WAS's give as explanation for why a m ends, are almost always one of 2 versions.

Either the LBS was so terrible, the WAS HAD to leave,

OR they've agreed to it mutually and are going their separate ways in a "conscious uncoupling",

(the 2nd version was my h's until I wanted spousal support. THEN the "home was toxic and he had to leave our kids and me for 3/4 of the last decade".)

3) Given the option of bad mouthing you or pretending this was a mutual thing, your h will pat himself on the back for choosing the "mutual decision". How honorable of him.

To be fair, it's better than the version in which you are an unbalanced shrew.

What is he going to say? "I'm selfish and dishonest. I only like part time fathering, and need total freedom like a single man"??

4) learn to let go of what he tells others. You never had and never will have control over that. People who know you or who matter, will know the truth.

This^^ is a biggie for me b/c I seem to have lost my FIL and his wife, whom I've had in my life longer than my own dad. But I'm not sure what they really believe or hope or think.

And it just cannot matter to me or it''ll be self inflicted pain. Same goes for you, T3.

I admit this is a big challenge for me, but I'm working hard on it with my T.

Finally - keep your eye on the future path and not on the things you believe you lack or the past. Once you know what you'd do differently, let go of the past b/c the regrets are counter productive and unhealthy.

This is another challenge for ME, big time.

And I struggle with the injustice of this all.

I really really understand this^^^.

God forgive me but the thing that usually shakes me loose of this is the tragedies in my closest friend's circle. A cancer diagnosis, a lung transplant that is failing and my bff who lost her 22 y/o son last fall, to an undiagnosed cardiac defect.

What do I have to complain about? (I worry God will roll his eyes.)

Grand scheme of things, we are in a better place than most women on the planet, who don't know if their h's live or were caught in cross fire, or if their next child will be born healthy or in a hospital or whether the war in their nation will spread to their village, the place they live has no water or electricity

OR we could live in Houston and had no flood insurance.

It does not take much to see that we are doing alright...

and if that^^ does not help enough, we must get back to GAL. And relying on the loved ones around us. Who we are fortunate to have.

And we learn, in time, not to care about the fool we have for a co-parent,

but to pray that somehow our kids will still feel valued and loved, and we will do our best to ensure this.

That^^^ is something we can work on.