I had the conversation last night. I think it was a double edged sword for me bringing me peace but also pulling me back quite a bit.
I kept it under 10 minutes and he didn't say much at all except he was unhappy he couldn't live in an unhappy marriage, he never said there's nobody else - just that he comes home and goes to work and he doesn't know what I think he's up to. He said he's only worried about the boys , that he told his lawyer he wants things to be peaceful and civil. That he's going to PA today to spend time with his family and get a break from life and that he's been so miserable he needs time to be happy. Etc etc.
My conversation was I appreciate your help the last couple days but this isn't working for me. You need to do what you've said you wanted for months and to go. If you want to have your flings, inappropriate relatisnhisn with other women and just generally do whatever then do what you want but not in our family home. I said we have 3 boys that I'm here to pick up the pieces while you come and go as you please. It's not right and they are watching. I refuse to let them think this is how you treat a wife, your family or even just a human being.
Mostly he just said ok ok ok
When he said he only goes to work. I said like thennigjt you went to this females house. He denied it and I just laughed and moved on. Then he got paranoid and goes I know you have my phone tapped, I know you have a tracker on my phone, I know you can read all my messages like you did last time. I said that's what s sad is there's a last time and you're still doing this. Don't forget because of last time I know what you are and what you're capable of. I said I don't need to look into anything anymore because my brain can't handle knowing more than I already know.
He said well we have a lot to figure out and talk about. I said no, here's not a we anymore. You have a lot to figure out, these are your decisions and choices you need to figure it out. He said he told his attorney he wants it to be peacefully and civil and not screw me over. I said well I guess you've done that enough already but it's not rainbows and sunshine. There's a V in between our name for a reason and I am letting my attorney handle everything so I will be taking her lead. I mean paying her to protect the boys and I best interest.
He said again he couldn't live unhappy. I said nobody asked you to live unhappy. This is a pattern you've created and until you can be happy with what's in front of you this will be your life. I said just like your ex warned me. It's the same crap. Same as last time too. It will continue until you realize that you have to be happy with yourself and not finding material things or women to give you external happiness. I said but I'm not getting into that. I don't care about anything then you doing what you've said you wanted which is to go out of the house.
He said okay I will but it will take a few weeks I need to start saving. I said well maybe you should have been saving instead of buying diamond earrings or a lift kit, plane tickets, concert tickets. He goes well I bought the earrings to pawn for my attorney. I laughed again.
I didn't give him details on the women I know up there or the boss daughter. I only let him know truth when it was relevant like when he said he had no money is the earrings. I want him to wonder what all I know. And hearing him over and over say he knows I can read his messages shows me how paranoid he really is.
I ended the conversation saying that the kids and I deserve so much more. That marriages take work and to leave someone a second time while pregnant/with a newborn is so sad. That I deserve so much better and our boys deserve better. That I hope he finds the happiness he's searching for. I then told him I had made him dinner it was in the oven wth a smile I told him to have a safe flight walked to my room and shut the door.
Don't expect to talk to him at all. Planning on changing the front door lock while he's gone he got our oldest a phone without telling me (we had recently agreed no phone until middle school) but this will be good because he can talk to them without calling me.
He wrote our son a long text after our conversation last night that said we both love him he knows things aren't great right now and life throws us curve balls but that we both love him and we're both so proud of him.
Anyway. That was that. Hopefully he will go now that he has heard me sternly say he isn't wanted here. Time for reality for him.