There might be a queue of 2x4 wielders. But I wouldn't be one of them.
Jim, sometimes it takes someone a little less bitter/cynical to come along and point out the obvious around here. I, for one, appreciate you doing it. You know ... beginner's mind ... baby steps ... PMA ... and all that jazz.
Sometimes I need reminded that people can change. But every day, I am reminded by looking at my H. Not everyone here is able to do/say that.
For the record: most everyone on these boards knows my H cheated twice in eight years. And he probably acted like more of an a$shole than I even let on here. And though I struggle a lot with what happened between us, I have to say that I'm happier in my M *and my own skin* right now than I've ever been. Because we are working on it ... and us, collectively and individually. I can't say what tomorrow holds. But I know I'm a better person for what I've been through. And I know the changes I've seen in my H the past three years. It's been incredible and mind-blowing to watch. And I wouldn't trade the past three years for anything, despite how hard the journey has been.
T, you're on your own journey. Who knows where it will end? Not me! Do I believe your H has had an immediate epiphany and is a changed man? No. Do I believe he's acting this way all of a sudden ONLY to manipulate you and/or because he's being advised by a L? No.
I *do* think he's being advised. But I can tell you that a man who decidedly has one foot out the door can not successfully pretend to be helpful or loving. If nothing else, us women are too intuitive for that.
But, let's be honest, you already know how I feel and what I think you should do, so I'll save my fingers from the typing.
Throw the guy a tiny itty-bitty little freaking bone.
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014