Originally Posted By: peacetoday

Im sorry

You took the risk
Maybe he also thought he could work things out with you
Maybe it was supposed to happen this way-

Now you know, He probably wont be able to get better
not your fault- forgive yourself
just another lesson on our journey

yes I DID take the risk peacetoday cry
And I do think he was trying in his way to work things out, but I didn't think we could manage without getting help.

H was (and has been) especially adverse and defensive re counselling. He has masked his anger but make no mistake, it made him angry.

I assumed that his change could mean that he might have been ready (don't know now if he ever will be ready). He was always angry and hateful with any discussion about marriage counselling before. It is clear that in spite of the changes, the old self has resisted change!! confused Maybe it shames and embarrasses him (?) Anyway, after I brought it up during a conversation It was downhill after that!! I sensed a little divide and resentment ... this never changed until it happened again, it ended all over again eek

I do think that if his reactions are like this (after 'apparent changes), then this might be for the better. ITs easier to tolerate this with reasonably good health. However, in 10, 15 years in future, when I am older, weaker ... maybe sicker, then what? How will I cope with that baggage?

I do have to forgive myself peacetoday. This took something out of me - it has been such an emotional year.
So I echo what you wrote (thank you for 'spelling it out' ) smile > Maybe he won't get better, and it IS better this way! p.

M: 15 yrs (in 2014)
BD: 6/03/2014
Infidelity ('known' from July 2014)
Denied PA Feb 2015
2 leave Mar 2015 (left early Summer). Some contact.
Back briefly 2017 (after family death)
Separated 2017