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Hi P. Long time no hear. I don't often come around, but did today and stumbled on your post. Sorry to hear about your parent's passing on.
It's been said that betrayal and divorce is more painful than the death of a loved one. I believe that. I've lived it. But please don't beat yourself up or compare yourself to him. You did what you did because you wanted to know. You allowed him into your life and he's not changed. Just more cruel toward you.
Later, there might be a story of some sort that goes like this, "I was very mean and cruel to my exW. Her parent had just died and I used her for my own selfish reasons" but it's not too likely. What's more likely is a story like this, "My exH used me. He was very cruel and it took me a long time and many attempts to learn that lesson. I finally gave myself the gift of freedom from him and anything he might do in my life and have been immensely happier for it."
AJM, so nice to hear from you after all this time! Hope that you are well I am so grateful to have this outlet at times like this, when it feels so painful. A familiar 'e-voice' from the past is so reassuring.
He got more cruel with the prospect of 'power' I suppose, but you are right ... i will be happier for it. I just felt that he was really changing and maybe if his prospects remained relatively modest, he would have been more grounded (clearly temp., because whatever the issue is, it needs to get out). He acquired a subtle 'over-confidence' that day. I noted an interesting smile on his face to my horror the day I realized what he did (his back was turned, but I saw him). It was one that might be of self admiration having played the chess pieces so remarkably well to the end.
I do think that if things were working out better re my own accomplishments, that I wouldn't have gotten into the rut I did. My options seem to be diminishing and 'times a ticking away'! So it all 'came down' on me at once I am better now and grateful to hear from you. Thanks again You are right, I shouldn't compare myself to him. I just thought that he did all this. has been so hurtful and now is thriving and I don't seem to have gotten anywhere. But you are right, it isn't going to do me any good anyway.
On another note, I did not know about > "betrayal, divorce & death of loved one," above but I believe it!! I think that 'people-cruelty' is always like that.
I was speaking to someone re: natural disasters and the pain and loss experienced with an earthquake for example. All of the the injuries and cries that come from below the rubble ... ppl. try to help, they uncover heavy broken pieces of concrete - they HELP with no fear or reservation. The same rubble, broken down buildings with another disaster could take place re bombing. However, if done by terriorists, it is the idea that the evil & pain is man-made and not natural, that is more painful and terrifying.
Like I said, hope you are well (you seem so!! ). Again, great hearing from you AJM, I appreciate it, take care of yourself, p.
pbetra ---- M: 15 yrs (in 2014) BD: 6/03/2014 Infidelity ('known' from July 2014) Denied PA Feb 2015 2 leave Mar 2015 (left early Summer). Some contact. Back briefly 2017 (after family death) Separated 2017