Hi P. Long time no hear. I don't often come around, but did today and stumbled on your post. Sorry to hear about your parent's passing on.
It's been said that betrayal and divorce is more painful than the death of a loved one. I believe that. I've lived it. But please don't beat yourself up or compare yourself to him. You did what you did because you wanted to know. You allowed him into your life and he's not changed. Just more cruel toward you.
Later, there might be a story of some sort that goes like this, "I was very mean and cruel to my exW. Her parent had just died and I used her for my own selfish reasons" but it's not too likely. What's more likely is a story like this, "My exH used me. He was very cruel and it took me a long time and many attempts to learn that lesson. I finally gave myself the gift of freedom from him and anything he might do in my life and have been immensely happier for it."
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."