Hi there,

Ive been lurking up to just before Thanksgiving 2016 but haven't been on since then. A lot happened - my child, "C" is currently angrier, parent passed on this year, h came back into my life after funeral & is out again. I feel so stupid - don't know why I did what I did (letting him come back).

He seemed different (he started working, seemed more settled and more like his old self) and I experienced some sort of 'restlessness' (?) after death. Then he abandoned me again - & it was almost like the same thing all over again. I say "almost" because the shock wasn't as intense, but it was still 'shock'.

He got a promotion with perks and a very professional, well educated, well connected female boss, whom he likes and who could take him to great heights. A common story from what I have been coming across these days - from others and/or reading online(it seems now that he was using me until promotion was confirmed). Sometimes, I still feel hurt although I was not entirely surprised (thankfully because of what I was exposed to here on the forums).

It really seemed like he was coming out (!!) laugh of tunnel I suppose - it seemed as if he had changed with time.

I am ok frown I guess - "been there, done that" shall we say, but for some reason, he is cruel since I am so vulnerable. He's being cruel - hurting me (& I have been frustrated re unstable work).

After the grieving, trying t o get back on track, thinking that he had changed - I recently feel an intense sense of disillusionment (because i feel as though I am getting closer & closer to 'extinction' sometimes, in spite of my efforts). *Nothing seems to be working out! I think it will eventually but it hasn't been easy ... Guess he realizes how hard it is for me & is comfortable with this. I know that if I I reaped the rewards of my labour, i woudlnt feel so vulnerable, and subsequently so disillusioned.

I just needed to vent some place safe, ok? I feel so *frustrated right now - I am not experiencing success but he is. Just venting safe place safe ...

M: 15 yrs (in 2014)
BD: 6/03/2014
Infidelity ('known' from July 2014)
Denied PA Feb 2015
2 leave Mar 2015 (left early Summer). Some contact.
Back briefly 2017 (after family death)
Separated 2017