I'm glad my post helps. I was here every day for at least 12 years. In the early months, years I really thought I could somehow fix my marriage. I tried everything. But I couldn't even fix my divorce. Because it takes 2 to want it. And now I can't even figure out how I could have WANTED it. I think I wanted to maintain the status Quo and I was afraid of the future.

I learned through all this that the only thing I could fix was me. I could change my vision of my future. I could take steps to make that happen. And I did.

I did not run into Josh in the grocery store - I went looking. I got clear with myself about what a suitable partner would be for me. I really didn't think that man would exist and I was definitely smart enough to know that he would not meet all my criteria. But I got my priorities straight. No man would ever come before my children - I still had a confused teen daughter, a severely disabled son and an angry young man (other son) and they needed me more than ever. I needed a man, not to "complete" me but to "compliment" me. And I am so glad I found that man. A man who was "complete" and would have gone along just fine without me but also found that I complimented him.

I wish that we had more than our few short years of life - it just all goes by so quickly. And I don't want to waste any more time worrying about ex and his crap. It would be great if he spent more time worrying about his effect on his children but I can't control what he does. I can only try to minimize the effect on them by providing them the best parental model that I can.

I live in a Happy Place. It took some time and a lot of changes to get to this place. But that's my best advice. Find what, where and with whom you are happiest and recreate your life from there.