Cali, thanks so much for your post - it was thoughtful and it did help me. Yes, I guess looking for some closure 'from him' would be seeking something I can't control anyway. And I can also see that - even if we had some contact - some of the stuff might really rankle anyway. Like when he decided to file for D he said - he knows he's made some mistakes, but he hopes I'll see that he is a genuine guy and that he just really knows what he wants now.
I suppose like everything related to possible MLC - whatever you may need, you need to do for yourself...
I think the finalising of the D will bring some more closure. Just now - whilst I fully expect him to complete the D - there's also a little part of me conscious of the eleventh hour. And I think when that has passed, I will feel more settled and really able to forge ahead.
After all, I can't see me and H remarrying and me becoming his second AND third life - I don't want my life to become that bizarre!!
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus