Hi Mozza! It certainly has been a while. I'm glad to hear about your detachment. I hope you can now feel the relief.

First, about me. I have a girl friend now. I met her last February. Started noticing the spark over the summer but still was reluctant to date her (or anyone, at that point). But eventually it started, and I've just tried to enjoy the moments instead of thinking so big picture with her. I've taken things very slowly with her. I waited 6 months from when we first started talking for her to meet D3. I really don't know what to expect in the future, but for now I'm happy.

I did move into the house! I've been in it about 1-1/2 weeks. It is absolutely perfect for me and D3. I don't know how long I'll be here because I only signed a 6 month lease with my friend ("sis's friend" from early 2015, if you recall). If it was up to me, I would be here long term. But she is not sure how long she wants to be out west.

STBX (very "soon", actually, as our divorce D is now completely filed and in the hands of a judge. Complete any week now): I don't know how much better she is but I at least haven't heard any direct suicide talk. She has apparently started dating here and there, which I'm totally fine with. She says she doesn't like it, though. A couple of positive things for her, though: I believe she hasn't been with OM for several months now. The further she gets from him, the better for her. And she's leaving today for a solo trip/vacation/escape/meditation/prayer weekend somewhere in the Caribbean. She's never went on anything like this trip, so she's been nervous. She only decided on the trip 2 weeks ago. I'm happy for her and I hope it gets her a reset point of sorts. I don't expect for her to come back a new woman. I hope she doesn't expect that, either. I don't know how her problems can be solved, but I know they can't be solved overnight, or even over a few months.

Last thing is that the DBing went full circle. I was fully detached, then STBX finally started coming down from her high with OM. And she started trying to get me back. I wanted nothing to do with it, and only partially because I have a GF. Now that I'm detached, I see STBX from a fresh perspective. And I see her as someone I *currently* have no interest in dating. It's not that I don't "trust" her due to infidelity; I don't trust her steadiness. Will she want to start dating me now and then waver in a few months? But it was eye opening to be on the other side of the DB coin. Not that I was going through chaos like she was when I was DBing her, but it showed me just how unattractive unwanted pursuit is. She was also constantly mind reading. ("Oh you can't help me with D3 because you're ****ing your new GF, huh?!" .....no response to that, needless to say she was very wrong in the context of that particular convo). So for everyone out there struggling to detach, to stop mind reading, to stop pursuing, take it from someone who was struggling as much as anyone a little more than a year ago: FOLLOW DB. It is the best chance your R or M have, but more importantly it's the best chance for YOU to turn your life around in the quickest, healthiest way possible.


Me 30, STBX 30
D3
M 8 years
BD 6/3/14
S 7/26/14
Off-and-on. PA since BD. Possibly "off" since Winter 2015?
Light Switch/I'm Over Her 12/31/14
D finalized 1/10/16