Well, my time here (and this thread) have come to an end. After what I felt was a productive and pretty friendly past 3 mos has flipped upside down and now I'll be starting the dissolution process.
Christmas went well- W came over in the morning, fixed breakfast for all of us and we opened presents. Put on a movie and W took a nap on the couch while I helped D11 with some of her gifts. We got along just fine and both bought each other thoughtful gifts. Later in the day, W headed back to her place to shower and let dogs out while I took the kids over to my parents. A couple hours later, we headed home, W came back over and I fixed dinner. I thought everything went fine as far as our interaction although at one point I stood in front of a sitting W and said 'Merry Christmas' with out stretched arms. She didn't move, so I gave myself an air hug and walked away. No big deal, but it seemed weird as it wasn't anything you wouldn't do to a friend. W and the kids headed to her place later in the evening.
2 days ago, I text W asking if she had any New Years Eve plans and if she'd want to go out with me. No response, so hours later I text back saying it was fine, just figured I'd ask. Her response totally took me off guard- that she was tired of the back and forth, all the hurting, that she was anxious all day on Christmas at the house and just wanted to go home, that she felt I wanted 'more', that 1 day she feels like trying and the next day she doesn't.....it was totally out of the blue because these past 3 mos we've been nothing but friendly towards each other and at no point did we have any type of R talk. I was very careful these past few mos not to do anything that came across as pressure because 1) I didn't want her to feel pressured and 2) because I didn't know how I felt about her/things so wanted to move very slowly. I asked her for examples and to explain why she was feeling that way, but in typical W fashion, she shut down.
So, the last 2 days we've exchanged plenty of texts, mostly not so nice things about ending it. I admit that some anger has returned on my part because I feel like she's giving up too easily without a real explanation and mainly because she isn't able to carry on a conversation (her shutting down is a major frustration trigger). Her feelings/decisions are out of my control and I knew this was a potential outcome, but it still hurts. I'm disappointed because she ended up not being the person I thought she was (lesson learned about others being out of my control). Someone who always claimed (because her parents are divorced) that family was the most important thing to her. I feel like I've let my kids down- that we should be teaching them to fight through difficult times, not to throw in the towel.
I'll continue to move forward and I know I'll be fine. Once all this is wrapped up, I don't plan on having any interaction with W outside of what is necessary. I just don't need her and that drama in my life anymore. She continues to say she wants us to be friends, but we were nothing more than friends these past 3 mos and that was too much for her, so I don't know what type of 'friendship' she's looking for. Maybe one day she'll snap out of the fog that I think she's still in and will realize what she/we could have had, but by then, it will be too late.