Hi AJ,
thx for responding. So refreshing when one feels a little desperate, but unable to think re sitch at the time

Originally Posted By: AJM
Agreed. I suggest that you may want to consider that you don't need to worry about the future that may or may not happen. That will just fuel the volcano mind smile

Know something you are absolutely right! The future will take care of itself! smile

Rather, you can take things one day at a time and re-evaluate later.

This is very sound ADVICE - advice I must make every effort to remember whenever things go out of whack. ONE day at a time ...

It's not uncommon for the leaving spouse to try and return after some time. It's also not uncommon for the roles to reverse at that time. Just know that you're not alone in the way you feel. That change of direction is a killer. And you may remember the roller-coaster - that's when the direction changes so quickly that you can barely keep up. i.e. you're out of phase with each other, if you put it another way.

But after the hurt, we tend to build walls. Walls we don't easily break down. Nor should you for many reasons. More of a wait and see approach is likely a good idea.

re bold above. - it takes the chaos out of my thinking to see it in words. That's right, we 'are out of phase' (!), makes so much sense. It is the opposing cycles of the two of us that is creating the havoc, havoc I don't need right now ... feels too messy.

I like the wait & see - & indicated 'same' re Toots' post, immediately before your own. To not wait & see is to 'fight the forces of nature' I think. To not go with the flow & natural order of healing will ultimately make things worse.


And it's not uncommon to feel like the WAS at this point. In many ways, you are and you aren't. And that's OK, P. I can see that if you were to easily jump back on board, it wouldn't be much for him to work at either. Things that are worth it, take work. And he may work at it if you make that possible while respecting your own feelings.[/color]

Agree with. I respect what he told me - how he felt & why. It is also the need to respect my feelings that will prevent me from acting in haste at the moment. Just can't do it. 'Doormaters' will usually want 'dormatees' anyway (not the other way around)

Who knows, you may work at it as well. Or as Toots mentions, you may just end up friends.
Like you said AJ, "wait & see" - that's what Im running with! laugh
(I have work to do ON MYSELF in the meantime)

Don't fear the journey though. And don't over-think it smile

ok won't overthink!
The fear part is my BIG, BAD MONSTER. That one's so much harder for me. My brain has to learn what is not 'traditionally' there. That's a separate journey I am currently on, which is why, I have to minimize what I can!


AJ


Thanks again Aj for your input! Like I insinuated before - when we can't see the information in a 'cloud of whirling thoughts', its' great to get an objective, CLEAR reposnse from another. Makes ALL the difference!! p smile


pbetra
----
M: 15 yrs (in 2014)
BD: 6/03/2014
Infidelity ('known' from July 2014)
Denied PA Feb 2015
2 leave Mar 2015 (left early Summer). Some contact.
Back briefly 2017 (after family death)
Separated 2017