Hi Vanilla,

I respect the intent of this thread and I admire you for starting it. This thread provides a valuable avenue of expression for many people.

My concern is some people may misdiagnose their spouse as “Abusive” and act accordingly.

For example, some people may stop contact or refuse to engage in conflict resolution because they believe their spouse is abusive. If their spouse is not abusive this behavior would exacerbate an already terrible situation and may have a detrimental impact on resolving problems in their marriage.

Again, no one should be in an abusive relationship. But there is a difference between someone engaging in abusive behavior and an Abuser.

Many of us, under the right circumstances, could act in an abusive manner. An Abuser suffers from a psychological disorder.

For example, a child throws a tantrum by screaming and physically hit people when frustrated or angry. This is abusive behavior. But not every child engaging in this behavior is an Abuser. Most of the time a child’s behavior can be changed when they are taught the appropriate method of communication.

If anyone believes they are in an abusive relationship, I strongly urge they seek marriage counseling with someone specifically trained in this area. If joint counseling is not possible then I strongly urge individual counseling.

You are doing a wonderful job with this thread and your insight into abuse has been extremely educational. Again, thank you for starting it.


M: 62
H: 67
Bomb dropped: October 2012
R: 4-2014

I've never regretted saying "I'm sorry"