The target experiences symptoms of PTSD like nightmares, flashbacks, and panic attacks. Even before the relationship is over, the body knows first. Post trauma there can be daily panic attacks and this is common to those abused.
That explains a lot of what I've been experiencing... a lot of this unexplained gut-level fear of a reaction when there's no logical explanation for it.
Hasn't stopped me from doing what I had to do, but it's in the times after an interaction.
Yes, there is no stopping the reaction. It unsettles me but I get on with it.
I'm going to tell a story as I don't really know what else to to to show you folks how intense these things can get.
So Christmas Day this year, I got up I wasn't feeling any love for the day. All of a sudden I was down and foreboding dread and really bad anxiety kept me wanting to not go to the family lunch.
By the time I was supposed to leave I was having the shakes external and internal. I burst into tears I kept pacing back and forth.... I wanted to go back to bed I wanted to cancel the day pretend it wasn't going to happen.
But I gave myself a huge ass kick up the ass, told mysel I was being really silly it's was just my mind playing a huge trick on me. I got ready heels make up pretty flowery dress wraped presents and went.
I was meeting s17 at a point on the road, while driving to the point I got worse. I could hardly drive, I had not been this out of control since I went to hospital for ad's. I couldn't understand I felt weak and hopeless. I wondered when the hell this would end and why now.
I'm parked and my anxiety is peaking, next thing xh2 car drives by!!! I have no idea who is driving didn't get a good look and my mind really couldn't tell who it was, it didn't want to know.
As soon as it drove out of sight, anxiety is gone. As if it never happened, like a bad dream.
But for those who have been following you will remember that I posted about it when it happened. Now you will see life has moved on fast, and the anxiety of things being the same haunts me. It holds me back, it colours some of my thoughts an decisions.
I find the betrayal has really caused me to be far more careful than I need to be. I feel responsible and guilty for just being an outgoing person. Which is gradually easing.
It's gets better and often faster than you realised untill you read back.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26