Gerda, In fact, someone has asked about you recently.
Job, I read your earlier posts to me over and over. (I also read the Book of Job all the time.) Reading that you wrote back and took all this time to get my post seen made me start to cry. And then to read that someone asked about me really made me cry. (Can you tell me who?) I guess it's hard to go this alone and so so nice to feel that there is someone out there who cares about me. THANK YOU.
I stopped posting for a while because I already sleep so little that I felt it was actually not good for me to spend time on this. But this last week or two I am desperately lonely.
Yes, I had a mastectomy in the fall. I think I mentioned that in my other thread but probably it was buried in there. I had a dream in which a voice came to me and told me where to find the lump, and I woke and felt it, and then I didn't even have to have chemo and have been able to mother my kids with almost no break from that cancer experience, so I feel so blessed in that too and don't talk about it in the way I would have thought I would have talked about having cancer. This year I had to face my three biggest fears (losing my husband's love, him having an affair, and cancer (not to mention the MRI!), and I have faced them all with God's help and love.
Can I just be silly and ask this in detail -- So if he is ranting about how badly I run the house or some other flaw or blaming me for something, I just no matter what say, "I'm sorry you feel that way." It seems that most of my responses cause him to rant that I think I am so saintly and so perfect, etc, almost taunting me, and unraveling my resolve to be kind. It seems that the only thing I can do is be silent and even avoid his eyes most of the time, but this violates all I try to do through the Rejoice Ministries/Christian approach. I think I am always confused because I want to enact Christ, loving my enemy and giving kindness back for evil, but it seems that any response to an MLCer causes more spew. And I often descend into the pit of wondering about OW or what he is or isn't doing, etc., and this makes me very short-tempered and resentful unless I remove myself totally by running down to church for a while. (It's one block away, very helpful!) I pray about this a lot and always the answer I receive is about patience and waiting and taking all my sorrows to God, but in the moment of encountering the problems at home I am always confused about what to say or do. I feel like nothing "works," and it's just a matter of bearing it and trying to minimize the contact.
Thank you for your love and kindness. Thank you so much.
Last edited by Gerda; 03/09/1508:17 PM.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.