Even if it's not meant to be in this order, my priorities would probably still be 1) children, 2) wife, 3) me. That's just the way I'm built.
Sorry, I'm jumping in without having read your entire threads, but have you been recommended "Nor More Mr Nice Guy"? I'm reading it right now and there's a section that explains why this sorting of priorities is likely to make you lose your W and kids. There are a few other clues in your posts that tells me you would benefit from reading this book and the perspective it would give you about yourself. Also, it's very often recommended around here and informs the philosophy of several vets.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.