My journey so far...

Right now I'm in a better place than a few weeks ago. I'm feeling OK emotionally. Ups and downs are much less severe. I still have to really GAL and exercise and eat right like I did before moving to the condo.

S12 is also doing OK. He's being extra helpful and extra loving to me today. He still has sad moments and mild panic attacks in the evening.

I put my wedding ring back on as a recommitment to keep the road home paved smooth. What that means to me now is to get great at being cordial to XW, to do something interesting for GAL, protect my PMA, and find/do something that gives me a sense of purpose and excitement in my life. That last is most important as I feel tired most days and I don't leave the condo except for errands.

On Monday my XW texted "I think of you. I miss you too. And I worry about you." I let that get to me emotionally. It was a good and painful learning experience. The pain wasn't nearly as bad as before so I am on the road to detaching.

While R is wishful thinking today, I do have faith it's possible and do visualize it daily. I have a specific vision of her and I sitting in the MC's office. I see us talking about our R. It makes me smile.

Listing some positives... XW would love me to be friendly and collaborative with her. She would love to have family events. She would love to talk with me. Would probably love to hang out. The only thing stopping all those things is me not being or feeling at all friendly.

From my actions she believes that I hate her. At some point, like the DB Coach suggested, it would be good to change that by being open to her asking me to do these things. I saw in the Denver_2010 thread how he did make himself available to hang out with is W even while she was seeing someone else. My XW feels she's met a soul mate b/c she feels heard and valued and seen. At some point, I'll have to be less hard line and do this.

For now, I'm standing firm on paying only my part of our joint bills and on not having my son away from me for entire weeks.

This is the text message I want to send to my W...

Hello XW. I got your text about school tuition and S12's new schedule. I paid the $X amount we discussed and will pay my part of the January payment, $Y, with my next paycheck. Also, how would you feel about a 4 day split schedule for S12? Thank you XW

Friendly but firm.

Can I do better than this?

Moving forward... I'm focusing on really liking myself and my life. Rediscovering how to do that given all the gifts I have.

So far, I've seen IC and got ADs. Made a huge difference in my life. There's so much more I can do to be a man only a fool would leave. Next is financial repair, fitness GAL, some new clothes, and fun GAL.

I have time. I can do it.

Last edited by HPoirot; 01/28/15 10:07 PM.

Me: 44
W: 45
S: 11
Married: 15
Together: 18
BD: 9/29/2014
OM discovered: 10/16/2014
I left her behind: 12/14/2014