Hi Toots,

As usual, you're quite right in your post.
Her allegiance is to W first and foremost.

She probably did tell her I was round there, upset and talking about M. I don't know if she would have said about me talking about an OM, she knows that would just stir things up and make things worse. I know they tell each other everything but I don't think she would be as vindictive as to do that, particularly because of the state I was in. I don't know why, but I was much worse yesterday than I have been since BD. As I say, I think just holding it all in and trying to show the world I'm strong just took its toll.

I dont really want to show the BF that I'm a wreck inside either because it all filters back to W and as you say, just puts me across as weak. I've made a point of only telling her positive things recently so that's what gets back. I know that's a bit manipulative, which I'm not particularly comfortable with but the end justifies the means. The thing I've found as well is that when I'm able to project a strong persona, I actually start to feel a bit better too. Not hopeful about our R or M as such because nothing at all has changed. I must be more careful around WBF for sure though.

I'm trying to keep busy but some of my original plans for this week have fallen through. I'm keeping up with the gym work and am noticing the difference already which is nice. I'm going for dinner with a couple of guys from work one evening this week but I really need to investigate some new things where I can meet new people.
It's nice seeing old or existing friends but meeting new people would force me to think about who I really am too. I'm not likely to meet a new group of people and introduce myself as Barry, the separated 39 year old whose battling to stay afloat!

Anyone have any suggestions?


Me 40 W 38
T 23 M 21
S21 S19 D16 S14
BD 19/12/2014
D mentioned 27/2/2015.
I filed 08/04/2015, D Absolute 04/11/2015