rd has given you some wise advice about communicating with your W's best friend, Barry. Her allegiance is to your W, not to you. And the thing is, she will most likely tell your W that you had tea and sobbed your heart out and went on and on about a possible OM. Yikes. Not the strong, "I'll-be-fine-either-way" Barry we want to portray, right?
Listen, I'm not trying to kick you while you're down. We all feel weak sometimes and make bad calls. (And it's a bad call because it left YOU hurting and sad and feeling weak and vulnerable. A better call would have been to tell your curiosity to take a backseat, realize that the only thing you had to talk about with W's best fried is W - which is NOT a good topic for you to be discussing with her right now - and then gone on a walk or something instead.)
This DB journey is more about finding yourself than repairing your M. (We hope the former results in the latter.) You said it best, Barry:
I should just carry on with the DB techniques until I feel I'm strong enough to face the worst outcome. Maybe in finding that strength she will see something attractive again.
Don't mention D if that's not what you want. Seek legal advice to protect yourself in case W files. But you don't push the D if you don't want it.
Meanwhile, don't talk to W's best friend about W or your M. It is just going to serve to push your W further away once she finds out you spoke with her at all but especially about your M. And she probably found out the moment you left. That's how us girls are, especially with our best friends.
Take care of you. You will hit some potholes as you walk this path. What's important is learning from them so you don't keep stepping in the same potholes. Anything that damages your PMA needs to be off-limits, especially here in the beginning, okay?
Now, what do you have planned this week to re-build your PMA? Anything fun or daring or adventurous?
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014