HI Barry, sorry you are in such a bad place. I am not a vet but have been living with this for almost a year and almost 4 months since W left. Its really hard to see the person you love turn away from you but its happened. Your W that you knew is gone for now. She might come back one day but for now she is gone. The lady in her place doesnt see you as her H anymore. Try to think of an old girlfriend that you used to love but now you feel neutral towards her.
My W is far from cold and is texting, calling me, calling me sweetheart,etc but at the end of the day she left. She lives her own life now and I am not really a part of it.
Each step is hard to take but all you can do is work on you and sort out your life. What your W does or doesn't do is her choice. You have less than no control because anything you do will push her away.
As regard talking to her BF, I would not advise that. You said yourself its your W's bf. its really hard but you have to STFU to anyone connected to her. Your W knows how much you love her and is in no doubt you want her back. She is very comfortable in what she thinks about your feelings. Please listen to the vets because I feel I have gone way to far the other way and my W feels that I have no intention of her coming back regardless of what see wants.
Please take all I have said as coming from a non vet who can't sort out his own M but feels every inch of your pain.