Train comes from a good place on this, she cares a great deal.

Please try to think of it this way, when you first start to DB that is the most vulnerable time and it is also probably the most sensitive time for your R. Often what we do in the first period is so important for our standing and recovery.

I received my very first 4x4 in MrBond's first post which was let my H fall to pieces without enabling. Sandi told me that I need to get some boundaries as I was being abused. Both cared a great deal but it was hard for me to understand that I had been doing all of the wrong things. Empathy would not have helped. I took it on board and really struggled but with the help of the wonderful members of this board who supported me I got through the early months. I lurked for three months before joining here and thought I was doing all the right things and was progressing. Once I started to post and receive my 4x4s then I did so.

You will find great guidance and it is important to take it on board. The process of DB is often counter intuitive and feedback is necessary. Ask Mozza if resistance is futile! Some of Wonka's wonderful posts provoked the same reaction as you have had to Train's post but Mza listened and turned it all around with the advice of the absolutely direct Wonka. If you want a thread to read then I feel Mza is an ideal first start.

Persist and concentrate on you to move forward.


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW