Barry, we've all been through that pain and in no way is anyone trying to make light of it. What may come across as 'tough love' to you is actually the best thing you can ask for if you truly want to save your M. It's not easy, but necessary to pick yourself up. As unique as I thought my sitch was, I've found that the longer I've participated on this forum, there truly is a script that most cases follow.
OM- maybe there is not an OM in the picture. I really hope there is not. I posted early on for you to be prepared because I saw several similarities in our sitch- I had a Feb BD, then 'talked' W into giving us another shot, had what I thought was a good summer, BD2 in Sept, days later found an email from OM expressing his feelings...When I finally checked cell logs, she had been talking/texting him constantly for over a month. I still don't know how she was able to communicate with him so often without me knowing.
Looking back I wish I would have found this site at that time. Instead I wrote W emails spilling my heart about how much I needed her. When I did find this site and started working on myself (the only thing I could control), I felt like I was finally making progress. Slowly over the next several mos I'd find out that W was spending time with OM and I'd blow up at her because I thought NO WAY would the woman I know do that to me. That's why I wanted you to be prepared- learn from my mistakes.